A girl who had already gone by two divorces by the point she was 30 has now grow to be a life coach for others trapped in sad marriages.
Marissa Baker, 31 — who at the moment lives in Naples, Florida, with a “platonic life partner” — wrote down her knowledge by “doing a lot about personal growth and trying to learn what my inner voice sounded like,” she shared. Insider.
Along with that self-knowledge got here a wider recognition of how tough saying goodbye may be in a severe relationship.
“Divorce is like a death, but you’re just grieving for someone who’s still alive,” Marissa stated.
Marissa Baker, who at the moment lives in Naples, Florida, went by two divorces earlier than she turned 30
The two-time divorcee married for the primary time at age 22 – and went by her second divorce at age 29
The Florida native married for the primary time on the age of twenty-two, however went by a divorce two years later.
“I thought I was broken and flawed because I couldn’t make my marriage work,” she stated of the primary breakup.
During divorce proceedings, she turned concerned along with her future second husband. They dated for 3 years earlier than their marriage after which shared a home and three canine.
But that marriage additionally quickly ended.
“I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know how I was going to get the courage to do it. One day I just woke up and thought, today is the day.
“I did the scariest thing I could imagine and I told my second husband I wanted a divorce. It felt scary… terrifying actually,” Marissa wrote on her blog of her initiation of her second divorce on the age of 29.
Strangely, it additionally felt like a weight had been lifted. I used to be relieved. While it was the toughest factor I’ve ever needed to do, it was additionally the suitable factor (for me),” she added.
One of the opposite necessary mentalities of post-divorce life she’s honed on is resisting the urge to solid one or the opposite ex-partner because the “bad guy” or the “victim.”
After initially getting married on the age of twenty-two, Marissa divorced two years later. Three years later, she married another person, solely to file for divorce once more simply earlier than she turned 30
One of crucial items of recommendation she dispenses is preventing the urge to name one or the opposite ex-partner the “villain” and “victim” after a breakup
“When you decided I was the villain of the divorce, you also decided to be the victim of the story,” reads the textual content overlay in one in every of her latest TikToks. What if as an alternative we had been simply two individuals doing our greatest? What then?’
In the caption, she added “that mindset feels a little powerless. It also gives you permission not to own the failure of the marriage (we all know it takes two)…
What if no one has to be the villain or the victim? Some people choose to believe that story and it is harmful (usually to themselves).”
Of her purchasers, Baker instructed Insider that she hears most frequently “from those women who want a divorce but are afraid or think they can’t do it on their own.”
To information them by their determination, she advises them to consider the query, “What if you could stay in your marriage and be happy or divorce and be happy?” Which would you select?’
Last yr, Marissa was briefly focused by a mob of haters who piled into the feedback part of a TikTook by which she acknowledged that she had been divorced twice by the age of 30 — viciously concentrating on the idea that she is a life coach with a less-than- picture-perfect previous.
To the doubters, Marissa replied in a subsequent TikTook: “Your mistakes do not disqualify you.”
As she instructed the publication, “I get to decide on who I’m, what I say about myself and the impression I can have on this world… I spotted how many individuals are so grateful for my content material as a result of divorce is so arduous. and so isolating.’